It’s been 294 days since my last seizure and I won’t lie, I’ve been feeling quite cocky lately. Can I push it and stay up late only to wake up to an alarm and keep going? Can I drink one too many drinks and wake up feeling fine? Kidding. I definitely haven’t been pushing it too much. But I did find myself wanting to invest more time into my work. So it wasn’t a big deal when I was sitting in the office and my boss was asking me a million questions.

It wasn’t a big deal at all….Until he asked me for a paper and I knew where the paper was but I couldn’t find it. What kind of person couldn’t find the basics in her own office? Me. I’m that person. See, my boss is in his seventies and it’s my job to ensure that his businesses are managed properly. With the Covid, life has become more difficult for him and we’re trying to do the best we can. So why is it that I couldn’t find this simple object, paper, that I’d had for years in my office. An office I set up the way that worked for me. An office that allowed me to see outside and still have enough room for when my boys came to work with me. Heck, I was the one that managed the entire build, yet here I was staring at my desk and my file cabinets like I had never been in my own office.

I could tell my boss was beginning to worry, so with a fresh breath of air I began looking through my file cabinets, then to his and back to mine again. Twenty minutes later, I found the paper, contracts to be more specific, filed away like I knew I had done. I made twenty copies and put them in a new file folder and labeled and then told him where they’d be in case I wasn’t there. He laughed and said, you’ll be around longer than me and began a story of how he had figured how long he would have to live based off of his family tree. We both had a chuckle and called it a day.

This overwhelming feeling keeps coming over me and I haven’t been able to shake it. This feeling of losing my memory. I’m only 27 years old and I somehow cannot remember things that happened a week or two ago. I find myself writing on three calendars and my phone calendar just to remind myself of plans. Now, I know this sounds like a basic side effect of medication, which it might be. But guess what? I’m stuck on this medicine probably for the rest of my life. I know that there are plenty of people that are worse off than me and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to manage my epilepsy for this long. It’s a scary reality I’m facing and I do not know how to feel. (Sigh)

Why is it that once you start researching you automatically take it to the worst possible level? That would be me. I’m the person that does that. So as I’m checking out the effects my seizures have had on me, the medications I take and their side effects, I realize that I’m for sure doomed! I mean, every single medication mentions the most outrageous side effects and I’ve checked the boxes to them. With all of this being said, I know that I’ll consult with my doctor before any major changes, but it’s time for some lifestyle changes. I don’t want to lose some of the best memories I have in my life. I may only be 27, but I’ve had plenty of great memories and many more to come…

xoxo

Sunset